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Beth Kapke
(Kapke Chronicles)


Beth Kapke, a retired mime and graduate of several twelve-step programs, is currently appearing in aisle three of the Noland Road Price Chopper, dispensing samples of smoked Spam. A long time seeker of fame, Beth was discovered by her idol and mentor, Mr. Cozad, who noticed a copy of the Kapke Chronicles gracing the bottom of his bird cage. Recognizing the author's immense talent, dubious work ethic, and extreme affordability, he contacted her at the tastefully decorated double-wide she shares with her husband, George, in the scenic Heart of America trailer camp.

When not conducting the extensive research required for her insightful essays and commentary, or washing Mr. Cozad's car, Mrs. Kapke enjoys making prank phone calls, teasing postal workers, short sheeting beds, visiting the humane society, playing solitaire Monopoly, and collecting dryer lint, which she fashions into life-sized replicas of the Radio for Grownups cast.

Beth Kapke:  writer, thinker, broadcaster, ex-convict, and constant disappointment to those few members of her family that will admit to knowing her.